Topsy Turvy

It's like a top... it just keeps on spinning, even in various conditions. The dining room, the kitchen, the sidewalk... just give it a flat surface and the little gadget will impassively spin around and around. It doesn't matter if you spin it and then walk out of the room. It doesn't pause... it just continues until the force of gravity finally brings it to a standstill.

Life is like that... spinning round and round... until its end. It may be short, but it's certainly a persistent little thing. And, like the aforementioned trinket, things do not pause when you leave or rewind when you return.

Perhaps life ought to be more like Tivo. Leave for a bit, and no worries, you can always press rewind when you return. That way my narcissistic desire to be included in everything I find pleasurable can be granted.

It's hard to be everywhere at once... unless you're the internet. Although I can't speak from experience, as I have never tried such a thing. I doubt I could handle the stress.

Either way, I sit here with the top. Wondering... should I continue fussing over my inability to savor all moments... lest the spinning top come to an...

American Social Etiquette

An interesting thing came to my attention the other day.

In America, when people see acquaintances they haven't talked to for a while, it's typical social etiquette to suggest hanging out "Hey! it's been a while, we should hang out!"

However, actual desire to hang out is not implicit in this statement. It's just a part of the social norm to suggest. It doesn't mean you'll actually hang out.

It's similar to the "what's up" question... people don't actually want to know what's up... unless it can be shortened to one or two sentences.

Either of these two scenarios can be especially confusing for foreigners to the US, since they might very well take these things literally!

I tried testing this out with some of my American friends back home. I don't talk to them very often being here in Korea, and one of them recently suggested hanging out soon. The situation deems it unlikely we'll ever hang out, so I tried some social deviance!

I tried to defy social etiquette by following up and acting like I really wanted to make plans to hang out. The result was suprisingly humorous.

American style...

When you visit another country/culture, you really begin to learn about your own! I realize things I've always considered, as an American, to be normal and "universal"

My boss calls this "american style" Add semi-negative tone to that quote. When she refers to "american style" it's usually a negative thing. Almost sounds derogatory coming from her.

There are many things I have taken for granted in American culture, which are in fact NOT universally practiced. This is an interesting experience, to say the least.

Personal space/privacy is a big one. I've visited latino/hispanic cultures (Mexico, and subcultures in the US) so I am familiar with pretty close range physical relationships which are typical in those communities.

It's not just physical space here. It's general privacy. Privacy just doesn't exist.

From people barging into my apartment while i'm sleeping to clean for me, to being told how I ought to manage my life- privacy is just a "foreign" concept here. ;)

If someone has a problem with you, they say it to your face. If they don't like you they tell you. If they want to know something, they ask- there is no fear of prying! Quite humorous at times. American social etiquette has not taught me to be used to in depth private questioning about my specific choices and how I made them and why.

Past, Present, Prayer

Sometimes I feel like writing...sometimes Ifeel like typing. Right now I feel like typing... or maybe I just don't want to turn the light on in my room (4am)

I think I still have residual effects from my experience at the church in New York City two summers ago...

I am reflecting on it... and for the first time in my life (that I can think of) I was really trying to put myself out there in a ministry setting. I had finally been growing a love for the Church, and I wanted to grow more in that... I enjoyed the church (Grace Community) in Michigan, and I wanted to connect to the church in NYC, and learn how to fellowship, behave as a church family unit, etc...

Expectations were set up that I didn't know how to respond to, because I had never experienced them.

I felt discouraged and overwhelmed. I knew I needed alone time, time to process; when I wasn't allowed, I would get restless and more discouraged. Then as criticism poured in with no mentorship or encouragement... I began to withdraw.

I wanted to be able to serve the church in a way that was natural... that God had gifted me... not because of expectations... or wanting to avoid criticism.

I think that my strongest means of interacting with the church were two main things- ministering to my peers and adults through discussion of the bible, encouragement, teaching, etc

... ministering to the kids through teaching and the bible... and just hanging out with them.

I loved the bible studies. The small church that I attended was actually a church plant of the main church... and they had a bible study every Tuesday. Unfortunately, by the end of things~ I stopped attending that, because I was so discouraged that I no longer even wanted to. But when I did go, it was great food for my soul. I was also becoming more connected with people there, slowly but surely.

The other thing I absolutely loved was teaching the kids on Wed nights. I poured myself into that!! I was a teacher once a week for an hour, and I had so much fun developing ways to teach them, and presenting the gospel and Christ as a great treasure... I loved it. It 's really what jump-started my realization of wanting to move more in the "teaching" direction than the "counseling" direction.

I also enjoyed being with the youth... those kids were fun.

But the expectations in different areas were so strong, that I not only didn't have the chance to serve in the ways I would have hoped... but I also was scolded for focusing on ways I was drawn to serve, rather than the ways I "ought to have" served.

I was scolded at a bridal shower because I was interacting with the other interns (we had just gotten there and didn't even know each other, and we tried to chat with one another). We were told that it was expected that we would try to get to know other people at the church.

So next time we attended a bridal shower, I hung out with some of the kids, and kept them entertained. That was very natural for me, and I enjoyed it- but I felt on edge for much of the time, wondering if I would get scolded later because I was hanging w/ them instead of "getting to know" the Bride-to-be. Later I was actually told that they were pleased because I was doing what they desired. I really didn't feel encouraged though, because I wasn't doing it to please them- I was doing it because I enjoyed it and wanted to.

I think what made things so much more crazy for me, was my past experiences/thoughts I was already bringing into the situation- which no one really knew about. I think the three biggest mistakes I made that summer were- not fervently demanding a mentor/accountability/prayer partner... and trying to stay beyond my 3 month internship in NYC (fueled mostly by a desire to prove something I think).... and trying to meet everyone's expectations and please everyone, and withdrawing when I realized I couldn't. All of these mistakes took my focus off of Christ and being fully "there"... and led to much discouragement and unneeded heart ache.

I am grateful for the experience though, I did learn much from many godly people in that church, and I learned much about myself. Desires I know I kind of had were cemented and grown...

God has done wonders in me in the last year. I have learned so much, and grown a lot. I don't believe I'm upset or bitter toward the church anymore, but I do think I still have some more healing to do...

The first time I set my foot in a church, a few months after all of this happened (so later in the fall 2009) I became physically sick. And it was the church that I was connecting to before I left for NYC (buthe situation in NYC had emotionally torn me apart so severely, most certainly revealing spiritual issues- that I was physicaly sick.

God continued to heal me, and I began to get myself into church communities again, I didn't continue attending Grace Community, but I did go into churches. For the most part I tried to stay in the background, avoided getting really involved.

Coming to Korea was a huge step of faith for me. Getting back into ministry... teaching English at a Christian English School. Being willing to venture here was huge for me...after what happened in NYC. I wondered- would I be able to handle it? What if I wasn't super good at it, would I be discouraged (like I was in NY?) ... I prayed and prayed and accepted the job... and God has been so faithful :) I have done well teaching, and I truly enjoy it. And I know it's not something I could do at ALL apart from the strength God supplies.

It has given me encouragement, that God can and will use me for his kingdom... and that I don't have to let the fear of man (wanting to people please) tie me down from serving. It is clear to me that this fear was the main issue I struggled with in NYC. And it's not completely gone- I still have issues with people-pleasing, but I am learning, God is the greatest teacher.

I could use prayer though about getting involved in church ministry again... while I am involved in ministry by serving at the school, getting involved in a church body is so important as well.

I find that I still wrestle with involvement though- especially since the churches here are small, and I can't just blend in- I'd HAVE to be involved. And I believe that's actually a good thing- I need to be pushed and I need to grow, and I am sure God will use this situation to help me fall more in love with Him and His people.

So current prayer requests:

to Love God more and more and more and more...

to know He is the greatest and only treasure

No matter what happens, He always IS... and I'm his child...so, what more could I ask for?

to have an abundant prayer life... to be restless if I don't spend time with Him....

to Love His people (my brothers and sisters) in such a selfless way, that I desire to be at church and be involved with them... rather than fearing expectations and discouragement.

Thank you :)

What is there?

There is:
Christ.

There is:
God

There is:
Holy Spirit

There is:
Communion with God

He is the Highest Treasure. Him alone. What else?...

There is not:

fulfillment in marriage...

paying off debt

popularity

success

children

intelligence

attractiveness

... and more


There is only God... He is the treasure... the pearl of great price...

All of these things point to Him. (For by Him all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities. All things were created through Him and for Him. Colossians 1:16)

They can be wonderful things... worthwhile things...things we even ought to seek... but at times they will fail us and disatisfy, at times they will please us and succeed- in both situations all we can say is: My hope is in God.

But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7


And since the context was so magnificent :

⁶ Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

⁷ "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

⁸ Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools.

More food for rumination:

Matthew 19:29- And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.

Matthew 10:37- Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s memorize that one :)

Mark 10:25- it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.

Revelation 3:15-17 I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, poor, pitiable, blind, and naked.

Matthew 13:44-45: The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Oh that God would give us this desire... and willingness. Him and only Him...at any cost.

How would our churches look... our lives look... our conversations look... our interactions look...

Psalm 73:25-26

Whom have I in heaven but you, and there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is my strength and my portion forevermore.

Wh

This world ain't my home

God is good.

That's an obvious statement, but I just wanted to lead by re-stating the "always obvious, often forgotten."

I am a foreigner... in a foreign land. And I don't mean that in some quasi-gnostic manner- this Earth ain't my home I'm just a passin' through... haha.
I mean... I am actually a foreigner!!!

It's kind of fun being in the minority. Especially since I'm a pasty white American with golden curly hair and blue eyes. I get a lot of looks and comments in public. Also humorous... when I am out and about I'll get random people noticing me and speaking what random English they know to me for practice. "Hello, nice to meet you" or "How are you" or ... "I have a book!" ... just for practice. It's exciting when you are learning a new language and have the chance to practice it, even if it's just minimal :)

I enjoy South Korea.

Honestly, this is probably the first time (that I can remember) where I have been in a situation where I had the time, money, and resources to devote so much time to "ministry."
I have definitely been involved in ministry in other situations- but since I have always been foremost a student since I was in Kindergarten, I haven't devoted any excessive time to ministry.

Also, even when I was a student- I was often so focused on "what was next" that I hardly concerned myself with getting involved in ministry. After all, I would get involved in ministry after I was finished with school! ...So I thought.

School is not finished for me, however. And that can be stated in two ways: first of all practically, I am pursuing a Master's degree while I am here teaching- and that starts in a couple weeks.
Second of all, "school" is not finished, because God has made us humans "learning creatures" ...by His grace we will always be learning. Those belonging to Christ have the rich inheritance of eternally learning about God...and knowing Him personally.

Anyway, this is the first time in a LONG time where I have devoted so much time and attention to "where I am" vs. "where I will be" (haha...almost made a grammar joke right here)
And God has really been faithful. I am growing...learning not only about Korea and about Him... but experiencing Him and His love as I learn to teach...as I grow to love these kids...and others around me.

There are many needs here. Not surprising. There are many needs all throughout the world...America not discluded by far. When I was in Alaska for two summers, I was overwhelmed by how much need there was for Gospel centered people to minister. Need is everywhere...especially for Christ.

As I am here, I'm learning what specific needs there are in South Korea. First of all, they need English teachers (of course!) Education is SO important to Koreans, both because of the status it associates and due to the homogenous nature of society. Parents need their kids to do well, because it is their kids who will end up taking care of them.

Also, English teachers bring diversity to the classroom...a lot of the kids here haven't experienced much outside of Korean culture. This can be kind of sweet since it breeds some naivete and innocence...but it also leaves them unexposed to the beautiful diversity of God's people. AND... it can leave many unexposed to the Gospel. English Christ-following teachers have the opportunity to bring both.
I work at a Christian academy...but all of the students are most certainly not Christians. So I am finding ways (and pray to find more) to bring the Bible into the classroom... whether it's reading a bible story, or composing a listening activity that includes a bible story. Then for the sake of vocabulary and comprehension I will briefly go over the story (which also gives me a chance to explain some of the story).

It would be different in public schools, but from what I understand they are open to such things being taught and talked about around the "American" holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc).

Also it is to be noted that the teachers are here to primarily teach English- so bible cannot be taught every day all day in the classroom...but there is more than ample opportunity.
Also, the grace God gives His English teachers to love these students will hopefully be a glimmer of Himself to these kids.

There is also a great need here in South Korea for English speaking pastors.
Korea is a fairly young Christian nation as is... so there is great need for ministry to a nation profoundly influence by Buddhism. The English teachers are also ever-increasing, and there aren't many bible-school trained men here to preach the gospel on Sundays! (So that we can eat and grow off the word as well!)

Usually the pastor ends up being a male English teacher who does his teaching during the week, and serves as teaching pastor on Sundays. Some of the men who come here to teach English intentionally leave to get seminary training, and come back to be a Pastor at an English church.

I've been to two churches so far, and I love the fellowship. The Koreans in the churches I went to do everything they can to help the foreigners feel welcome in Korea...although they don't always speak English very well! The English speakers end up naturally bonding in some capacity- because we are all here serving the same purpose!

Well, that's enough for now.
I'm on my 3rd week teaching.

Pray that God continues to give me grace to have patience and love for these kids.
That I would find a church body to be involved in (whether it's one that I've visited, or a different one)
And that I would count all things as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ as my Lord.

The end.

The best teacher is one who can teach as well as he learns

And this is proving to be quite the learning experience so far!

I really do enjoy teaching. I love lesson planning... probably too much.

I can easily spend hours going over lessons, compiling ideas of what might work AND be enjoyable in different class settings.

Already, I have done a lot of experimenting...some things work. Some things don't.
Some lessons I've created have gone really well... and students enjoyed the outcome.
Other lessons were too complicated, and needed to be remodeled structurally to increase understanding.

Consistency is key...so I've been trying to maintain what the other teachers do in the school...as well as keep some of the nuances teachers who taught the classes I'm teaching before me did.

I also put in my own nuances...because it's important that I am teaching MY classes...not someone else's.

Some of the kids warmed up to me right away...they were so excited for a "new" teacher (the curiosity of the unknown) that they sought my attention right away. Other kids are just starting to warm up to me (after over a week and 1/2). That's life :)
I'm learning the importance to spread out my attention both to the kids who easily grab my attention, as well as towards those who hide in the shadows.

One of the most rewarding things is when students really GET something. Seeing them really understand a concept...a new word...an idea...a grammatical structure... it's exciting.
Grading tests also shows this... I am happy when students are showing that they are learning.

Also, grading tests and quizzes helps me as a teacher...I can see where there are patterns- showing what a majority just isn't getting... so I can improve teaching methods and review specific material.

It's interesting finding a balance between student-centered and teacher-led classroom structure. I think I prefer to utilize both camps at times. Students really enjoy being able to have input...so I will ask them whether my explanation is helpful...if something is too difficult to learn... sometimes I'll even ask which activity they'd prefer to do in a lesson.
But...if I allow them to do this too often, they'll walk over me (easily). So I realize it's necessary to be stern and show that I am the authority in the room (even when we have fun!)

With older classes it's not as hard to set that boundary... I can more easily allow leniency and student input without infringing too much on order in the classroom. That probably comes with maturity.

Well, there's some of the technical stuff regarding my teaching experience right now.
If you think to pray for me, here are some requests:

That I would grow in love for the kids every day.
That I would find ways to actively and verbally represent Christ.
That I would have patience to deal with situations which are stressful (they do happen sometimes!!!)
That I would be studious...and learn the material I need to teach (I have NEVER studied grammar as in depth as I am now, since I have to teach it!!)
That I would be articulate...and find creative and sensible ways to communicate new concepts and structures to the students.

Act I Scene II

) Lift up your heads, O gates!
And be lifted up, O ancient doors,
that^Q)">(Q) the King of glory may come in.
⁸Who is this King of glory?
The LORD, strong and mighty,
the LORD,^R)">(R) mighty in battle!
⁹Lift up your heads, O gates!
And lift them up, O ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.
¹⁰Who is this King of glory?
^S)">(S) The LORD of hosts,
he is the King of glory!
Psalm 24



Well, I sense it is time for another update...
I've been in South Korea now for three weeks!

I'm still surprised!

I just would not have guessed I would be overseas teaching so soon. It was something I hoped I would get the chance to do...but I anticipated it would be one of those "many-years-down-the-road" types of deals.
Couldn't have predicted God would bring me here at the young age of 23!!

I have been reminded lately of God's amazing handiwork in all of creation.
Not only the beauty that he creates in the mountains, the rivers, and his people...but also the circumstances he has arranged. The story He is writing.

I can look back at my life, and even in the last 4 years...even this past year... God has done so much in my life.
In moments like that I feel like a grown tree realizing it was once an acorn. It's hard to believe so much growth has happened.

Then in those same moments I'll look ahead, realizing how much more growth I have to go!
Like a young tree looking to a tall aged tree, hoping it will grow to such heights.

Then this same tree realizes God has planted her by streams of water to quench her thirst. That He prunes her daily, that she might bear more fruit.
That He has set the sun above the skies to warm her.
Then this young tree realizes the forest around her...filled with old trees and older trees. Young trees, and newly planted seeds.

This entire forest tells a story- of the one true King. The one who came to die so that we might be free....free to worship as we were created to, free to grow as we ought to, and free to be what we were intended to be. His.

And here I am in South Korea, teaching K-9th graders English.
It's something I feel honored to do. It's challenging...and a lot of work. But I grow in love for the kids, and the work, daily.

It's also just a small part of a great story...where Christ is central. I think I need to remind myself of this often.

We can only live our lives day by day... One day at a time.

²³Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. ²⁴I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. ²⁵The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. ²⁶Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
John 12

³ He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
Psalm 1

For such a time as this...

"And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

... said Mordecai to Esther as he implored her to speak with her husband (the King) about the imminent destruction of her people (the Jews).

Esther, a marvelous story of God's providence ironically illustrated with no mention of God's name in the whole story.

Life can be that way quite often... through hindsight we look back and see the obvious patterns and circumstances which show the craftiness and creativity of God's work in life.

Even things which were painful where God seemed distant... it's all a part of His plan!

Granted we don't always get the opportunity to look back and see how situations have worked out for our good and His glory... but when God gives us a glimpse, it's a real gift!

In Korea I am still adjusting, but it's been an incredibly easy transition- by God's grace of course.

I took time to reflect yesterday as I was observing one of the classes I will be teaching (starting on Friday), and I realized just how many things I'm encountering here already that God has prepared me for.

Recognizing these little preparations is a huge encouragement- it comforts me to know whatever the future holds, God is in control...and He is the Master Storyteller.

What a beautiful thing.

For example, in the past year I have been learning how important it is to allow others to teach me. Even in situations where I feel like I can figure something out on my own, I have recognized the beauty of lettiing someone else step in and offer me assistance. This doesn't have to be a degrading thing...in fact, many times it brings more joy to the "teacher" than it does to me as the learner. When you allow someone to come in and use their gifts to show you something, it becomes a great encouragement to them! So the humility of letting peopel teach you- even simple things- can be a great sign of love.

In Korea it has been good to let people teach me things that I could have probably figured out on my own. The director I work for took me to the grocery store to buy food for the first time, I allowed someoen else to teach me to cook a little. While I could have surivived without this assistance, I believe it was best to allow it.

Also, while I was in New York I began to realize the need for community-oriented living, and what it looks like to be servant-hearted. This just comes down to being observant: does anyone need assistance? Is there something you can do for someone? How can I be selfless right now?

I spent the summer before I came to Korea at home in Minnesota with my family. In my alone time, God began to teach me the need to rest in Him. Trusting that He is in control, and that my entire being, identity, and existence depends on Him. Only in Christ can I find purpose, and it is in Christ that my purpose is most glorious.

As I get ready to teach on Friday, I am certainly nervous, but also comforted in the realization that my purpose is found in Christ. This frees me to teach with a focus on the kids and the school, rather than on what my teaching will say about who I am.

I also spent a lot of time with my family, saw some family dynamics that I wasn't privy to (since I hadn't lived at home for so long). I realized that authority and order are good things, but they can be manifested inappropriately because of sin. And I learned that there is need for grace, even when you think you've been treated unfairly when authority is manifested inappropriately.

Here in Korea, authority is HIGHLY emphasized. There is great need to listen to those older than you, and show great respect for their opinions and desires. Individualism exists, but the hierarchical structure takes precedence.

Finally, even in the "minute" things I have seen God's hand of preparation. While I was home for the summer, I had to sleep on an air mattress..not the most comfortable thing to sleep on for almost 3 months.

In Korea...the beds are really hard- not at all like the american super soft plushy beds. Traditionally, Koreans would sleep on a thin mat placed on the hard wood floor. Their beds manifest this style while attempting to look more like a bed.

Also, my room in MN seemed to be the "spider central" of the house. I would often go to sleep with the knowledge that there were many spiders making their webs above me as I dozed.

In Korea, due to the weather and location of my apartment, spiders find great joy in keeping me company.

Needless to say, these are all beautiful (and some comical) examples of God's Master work as an Author.

Prayer requests:

- I am beginning teaching tomorrow... it should be a fairly easy day, as the classes I am taking over have exams tomorrow. But pray that the transition for me goes well.

- After class tomorrow, the school actually goes on a 1 week vacation! (Great timing for me to arrive :) ) I have been asked by the director if I want to go camping with her church in the mountains... if that all pans out- pray that it would be a fruitful experience.

-Pray that my love for the Korean children I will be teaching would grow, manifesting patience and desire to teach well.

- Finally, but most importantly, pray that my peace and joy would grow in Christ, finding rest in God above all circumstances.

Thanks guys :)

Word of the Week

Word of the Week: Fasten, Fetter, Fix, Focus

and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking to Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I shall raise him up at the last day.
John 6:40

And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whosoever believes in him may have eternal life.


The Israelites were weary and impatient. God had delivered them from Egyptian slavery, but this fate seemed far worse. The crowds echoed with complaints and groans of the people- "Why didn't we stay in Egypt? At least we were fed!" Miserable and hungry, the people forgot their God.
God sent venimous snakes among them, many were bitten and died. Dying from snake bites was deemed worse than hunger and disatisfaction with the food.
Realizing their sin, the Israelites begged Moses to pray for them- "Ask God to remove these creatures from our midst!"
The Lord answered Moses.
Moses was instructed to create a snake and fix it to a pole. All those bitten by the venimous beasts could look to the snake... and they would live.

Fast forward...

Jesus is explaining to Nicodemus (and others we presume) what it means to be born again. He claims to be the Son of Man, the Messiah, the only one who has been in the presence of God. And this Son of Man is the only one who has the right and authority to save the world from their condemnation.
Jesus explains, just as Moses lifted up the serpent (the serpent which cured all dying who looked to it) so must the Son of Man be lifted up that whoever looks to him, might not die, but live...everlasting life.


This is a beautiful analogy. Simple, yet multi-faceted.

When Moses lifted up the serpent the people needed only to gaze at the serpent to be healed. In the same way we need only look to Christ to be saved. The simplicity highlights the inability we have in our own salvation. The power lies not in ourselves...for we are only looking. The power is in the object we behold.

We are just to look to Christ...yet there is indication that "looking" isn't a mere acknowledgement of existence. John 3:15 uses the word "believes" instead of "looks" when connecting the Snake story in the OT with the Son of Man being lifted up.

John 6:40 links "looks" and believes" together... "whoever looks to the Son and believes in him shall have life..."

This "gazing to Christ" is more than a glance. In looking to Christ we don't merely glance and then look away. It is a CONSTANT fixation... an attentive focus. The power and glory all rests upon Christ. Looking to Christ constantly, we fasten ourselves to Him.

What does this look like?
All hope and trust are put in Christ...and this brings true rest.
After all, his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

Fettering ourselves to Christ, we become his bondservants. Fixed on him. Focused on Him. Fastened to Him.
And by this we endure... because it is through him that we persevere.
...looking to Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, we run the race before us with endurance.

It seems appropriate to leave off with this song verse:

Let thy goodness
like a fetter
bind my wandering heart
to Thee

You're Unique, Just like Everybody Else

I was reflecting today on some of my anxiety/nervousness about going to Korea.
One of the things which I seem to fear is that I might go to Korea and find that I'm not a very competent teacher...that it's not something I should invest my life into.
While I pondered over that possibility, and felt my anxiety increase, I suddenly heard the question "so what?... what if that does happen?"

My immediate response... "that couldn't happen!! What would that mean?!?! If I couldn't even teach a foreign class of students about English..."

It dawned on me that my anxiety stems from putting too much identity/purpose in the idea of teaching in Korea...rather than in Christ.

Purpose...popularized in contemporary christian communities by Rick Warren, famous for his "purpose driven life" books.
The drive for "purpose" is clear in Christian communities...as well as non-Christian communities. We, as people, want to believe that there is a reason for our existence...that our creation has a certain aim...this is an understandable and, I would argue, healthy inquiry.

We are created for a purpose, it's true. As Christians, we know this aim, as stated in the shorter catechism. What is the chief end of man?
- To glorify God and enjoy him forever.

Created to be children of God
Created to inherit all things in Christ
Created to worship
Created to spend eternity with Christ
Created to steward the earth
Created for community...

and so on.

These all lead back to the over-arching purpose- glorifying God.

And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him...Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:17, 23-24

God has created us for a glorious purpose- to participate in the story written by, and starring Himself.

But sometimes that doesn't seem to be enough...
As I contemplated my nerves about teaching... I realized that my fear of not being a good teacher is rooted is a sort of "twisting" of the search for purpose... a twisting evolved into a type of "identity dependence" (I will not be content if this "fill in blank" is not part of my life/who I am!)

From a young age we are taught that "we are all uniquely special" ...and that there are things we can do that no one else can!
Consider the song from Barney (yes I still remember this by heart) - "You are special you're the only one, you're the only one like you. There isn't another in the WHOLE wide world who can do the things you do!..."

Ingrained in me from childhood is the idea that I can be someone important, do anything I set my mind to...

There is a longing to be "set apart"...
but we are set apart...in Christ!

That isn't enough!
We want to be set apart in a specific individual way...where we can do something that few people (or no one else) can do!
But who's kingdom is that serving? God's? ...or mine?

I do not deny God's hand in allotting specific "talents" and gifts to people...Scripture makes clear that he does. However, these specific gifts are purposed to serve and edify ...not to puff up the individual by providing them with a "purpose" which wins the praise and affections of men (or self).

As children of God, God has bestowed on us a greater purpose that we could ever fathom... the purpose of being his children, glorifying Him.
This comes with an honor that is far beyond anything we can fathom...and it changes everything we do.

No longer do we need to struggle to find something which brings us recognition and serves our purpose...because we are participating in a story far greater than one we could ever concoct in our wildest imagination,.

Psalm 8
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

⁵ You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings ^c]">[c]
and crowned him with glory and honor.

⁶ You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:

⁷ all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,

⁸ the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.

⁹ O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

This all being said: I head off to Korea soon... with hopes that God will teach me...and I will teach. That I will have the chance to be challenged and to challenge. And wherever I am, however it goes, that I will learn to be content in all things and in all circumstances- through Christ.

Trust, Hope, Rest

"Your heart is given a rhythm only for Him.
You are given breath, only for Him.
He's not simply to have your best... he's to have it ALL.
We can light so many fires. We can do so many things in all our activity. But is God in it? IS it for Him? Is it a heart burning for Him? "
-Paul Washer

Prayer Requests...

I leave in one week for South Korea. Please keep these things in your prayers for me:

- To focus on Christ. I want the work I do in South Korea to be worth the time and money this school is putting forth for me to be their teacher. I am so glad it's a Christian school that I get to work in... and I want this work to be for Him.

"Incline my heart toward your testimonies, and not to selfish gain." Psalm 119:36

- That I would love the Koreans... of course I hope that I adjust well in the new culture and setting...but even more than that, I desire to love the people that God will put me in touch with.

This prayer request was pressed on me by something I read recently that a man wrote to his lady-friend who was joining his ministry in China... "Did you come to China because you loved the Chinese or because you were sure this was God's will for you? I know your answer- you came because you knew it was His will. Knowing this, you are confident that He will give you His love for the Chinese."

That echoes my desire.

- Last, but not least... that I would rest in God (my lesson for the summer). I am beginning to think that the word "rest" is somewhat interchangeable with "hope" and "trust." All three of these words entail focus on God...believing that He will carry out what He has promised his children, through Christ. I believe this is what Philippians 4 is referring to...as the "peace which surpasses all understanding and guards your hearts and mind in Christ" ...this restful focus on Him and His ways...even when they don't jive with your own. I'm sure there will be many times when my expectations aren't met (afterall, it's a new culture) ...but I hope that I am able to give over any anxieties and expectations to God...and rest in Christ.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests by known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Men should not fear failure. Men should fear success which merits no eternal value.

¹Unless the LORD builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
²It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.


There can only be found joy, when you are resting in Christ.
Resting in Christ...means trusting God...
...not just trusting He's in charge (though it's certainly true!!)
...also trusting that His plan is Best...and Good.

I am finding it is easy to be busy...
easy to be involved in many things...ministry, giving to the community, serving,
it's easy to talk...
it's fairly easy in American culture to find ways to plug in and DO something.

What remains to be incredibly difficult.... is recognizing whether these things we do- even good things, even things which succeed- are delighted in for the glory of God's Kingdom...or for the glory of our own.

Whose kingdom are we building upon?

I dare not suggest that unless someone is doing something strictly "ministry" related...they are not serving God's kingdom. I am not saying that all Christians must rise up, sell all things they have and live in a slum somewhere to serve. That's not the point at all.
The point... is God's-Kingdom-Living.

What does this look like?

* Trust that His ways are best.
His ways are higher than ours, after all...and his thoughts...far exceed our own. (Isaiah 55)
There is REST in knowing He is in charge...because HE is a GOOD God.

* Obey Him.
Obedience is better than any burnt offering! And we cannot obey...without His grace.
There is rest in knowing He will work in us, so that we may participate in His Kingdom Story!

Whether serving in a slum in Africa... a single mother of 5... or a married couple going to school...

Whatever the case... God's Kingdom must be sought first.
it Must.
...and God's Kingdom must be sought, to the detriment of our own kingdoms.

Our debt has been paid! We cannot even make a dent to repay!
I like this analogy to explain the great gift God has given us in Christ, emphasizing our inability to make recompense:

Three people set out to swim across the Pacific Ocean. One is a gold medal-winning swimmer. The second is a high school swimming coach. The third is a paraplegic.
Who has the greatest chance of accomplishing this feat?
The answer...is none.
The paraplegic will last only a few seconds in the shallow end before perishing.
The swimming coach might make it a mile or more, if he's kept himself in shape.
And the olympian will astonish and awe all onlookers at how far he can go...
...but in the end all will perish.
Why?
because such a thing just isn't possible... the ability to complete this mission relies not on the comparison of the people with one another...but on whether they have the capacity to complete the mission, period!

In the same way... we do not have the capacity to love God...to serve God... or to seek His Kingdom on our own.

In fact, when we try to do "good" in our own strength, it shows itself to be a cause for our own Kingdom, and not for God's... and while it may show a seeming little success...in the end it is fatal by comparison.

Joy is only found in Resting in Christ.
And resting in Christ is found in trusting God...
Knowing He is our hope...our salvation...
and His Kingdom is one of eternal significance.

Let everything we do...whether eating or drinking...all be for the glory of God [all for HIS Kingdom!]

Well, enough preaching.


May I "Count all things loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ as Lord"
May I see the Kingdom of God... as a pearl of great price...a treasure in a field... and sell all I have to take part of it...
May I spend myself in Christ... losing myself, forsaking my own Kingdom for the sake of His.


Whether this be fulfilled in the seemingly "mundane"...overseas... domestically... in family...with friends... " Wherever I am, be all there" {Jim Elliot} ...and be all there with a passion for Christ.

This is a weighty prayer.
And sanctification is a process.
And for that, How I am grateful!

Christ died for those who have no hope, that they might have hope in Him.
Hope to live a life that has meaning... that is rewarding... and is being redeemed.

The End

Have been reading Jonathan Edwards "End for Which God Created the World" essay.

In the introduction he makes distinctions between different sorts of 'ends'.

There are ultimate ends- which in an of themselves bring pleasure to the person seeking them.
Chief end- which is the highest end that all ultimate ends find their connection

Subordinate ends- things which in and of themselves are not pleasure-filling. Rather, they are sought in order to meet another end. For ex: if I go grocery shopping, I am not venturing off for the pure pleasure of doing so, rather my end is to purchase food. And the food is purchased not for its own joy, but that it might satisfy hunger. The acts of going to the grocery store and buying food are both sought to satisfy hunger- which is the ultimate end in this situation.

My point in all of this?
It has gotten me to ponder some of the ultimate/subordinate ends in my own life.
Which ends might be regarded as subordinate...and which ones as ultimate in my life?

When it concerns serving...is the ultimate end the pleasure found in serving for the glory of God? ... or the affirmation it receives. What end is sought? What end brings pleasure in itself?

Is God's glory the chief end of what I do? Or is it my own glory?

When I am criticized, corrected and instructed
When I am encouraged, edified, and complimented...

Is my concern for the glory of my kingdom in all of this? Or of God's?

I dare say it might be the former more than I'd like.
In fact, it's probably the former more than I know.

Which is why...Christ died for sinners. Those who need God, even to worship God... to recognize that He is worthy.
Even to regard God's glory over my own requires looking to Christ.

¹⁴Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, ¹⁵that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life. John 3:14-15

²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

God has taught me so much in the last year. Much of it was pleasant instruction where I found much joy in the learning. Much of it was (also) unpleasant... revealing the character in my heart which needed refining.

I only have a few remaining weeks before I head to Korea.
In them... I hope I am able to spend this time wisely... in the Word...with family...with friends.

All other ground is sinking sand

Still learning to rest.

Still desiring to grow closer to God.

One thing is becoming clear to me- in thinking about what concerns me... I saw a theme.

What if...I'm not a good teacher, what if I fail at friendships, what if I let people down, what if I let God down?... see the theme?

Self.

A good question for me would be: "angela, why is it often about you?"

And Jesus words are the perfect response:

Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. ²In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? ³And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.
John 14:1-3

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:5




My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand

As I prepare for Korea...

As I prepare for Korea...
I have a lot of emotions...
fear, excitement, uncertainty, anticipation... and more.

But I desire this: rest.
Rest in God...that he will give me strength...

Prayer is major.

I desire to be where I am right now... which is in MN...working...and with family. ..
"wherever you are, be all there..."

I also desire to be in prayer and preparation as I look ahead to an oncoming season of life.

Here is Scripture I desire to pray and meditate over for this time:

Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes;
and I will keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law
and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments,
for I delight in it.
Incline my heart to your testimonies,
and not to selfish gain!
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things;
and give me life in your ways.
Confirm to your servant your promise,
that you may be feared.
Turn away the reproach that I dread,
for your rules are good.
Behold, I long for your precepts;
in your righteousness, give me life!

Psalm 119:33-40

Rest & Waiting

I wrote in my journal a few weeks ago that I wish to find rest in God... It becomes so wearisome to try so hard in so many things...filled with anxiety... trying to manage my "own kingdom" ... I find myself often plagued with fear... of failure, of disapproval, of unhappiness...

So in response to my journal I included some Scripture to encourage my soul:

Psalm 62:5- Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.

Hebrews 4:9- So then there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God.

Matthew 11:28-30: Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.


Today I was reading a book by Paul Tripp (highly recommend it so far): "Broken Down House"
There is a chapter included called "Waiting"... where Tripp essentially defines "waiting" as trusting God...RESTING in Him...

Here are a few tidbits which I am chewing on right now- and would highly encourage anyone who reads this to ruminate as well!!! ~

"In calling us to wait, God is freeing us from the claustrophobic confines of our own little kingdoms of one and drawing us into a greater allegiance to his Kingdom of glory and grace.

Waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait. Waiting is about what you will become as you wait.

Waiting is hard for us becuase we tie our hearts to other glories. We so often live for the glory of human acceptance, of personal achievement, of power and position, of possessions and places, and of comfort and pleasure.

Waiting means surrendering your glory. Waiting means submitting to his glory. Waiting means understanding that you were given life and breath for the glory of another. Waiting gives your opportunity to forsake the delusion of your own glory and REST in the God of awesome glory."


So as I live this summer... my hope and prayer is that I am able to wait on God... trust in Him with my life.
It's especially hard to trust God with things that I don't understand... if I can make sense of something, it is much easier to trust Him. But...it's waiting on God/ trusting Him when I don't understand...when I don't see the point of something... it's that type of waiting that God might use to develop character in me...

When I am able to wait and trust in God, my anxiety is no longer necessary. In that waiting, I surrender control... and I am able to expend my energy toward living in the moments God has given me...with the people he has put in my life for that season.

I'll end this blog with a compound quote from Jim Elliot:
"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living. Wherever you are, be all there."