American Social Etiquette

An interesting thing came to my attention the other day.

In America, when people see acquaintances they haven't talked to for a while, it's typical social etiquette to suggest hanging out "Hey! it's been a while, we should hang out!"

However, actual desire to hang out is not implicit in this statement. It's just a part of the social norm to suggest. It doesn't mean you'll actually hang out.

It's similar to the "what's up" question... people don't actually want to know what's up... unless it can be shortened to one or two sentences.

Either of these two scenarios can be especially confusing for foreigners to the US, since they might very well take these things literally!

I tried testing this out with some of my American friends back home. I don't talk to them very often being here in Korea, and one of them recently suggested hanging out soon. The situation deems it unlikely we'll ever hang out, so I tried some social deviance!

I tried to defy social etiquette by following up and acting like I really wanted to make plans to hang out. The result was suprisingly humorous.

American style...

When you visit another country/culture, you really begin to learn about your own! I realize things I've always considered, as an American, to be normal and "universal"

My boss calls this "american style" Add semi-negative tone to that quote. When she refers to "american style" it's usually a negative thing. Almost sounds derogatory coming from her.

There are many things I have taken for granted in American culture, which are in fact NOT universally practiced. This is an interesting experience, to say the least.

Personal space/privacy is a big one. I've visited latino/hispanic cultures (Mexico, and subcultures in the US) so I am familiar with pretty close range physical relationships which are typical in those communities.

It's not just physical space here. It's general privacy. Privacy just doesn't exist.

From people barging into my apartment while i'm sleeping to clean for me, to being told how I ought to manage my life- privacy is just a "foreign" concept here. ;)

If someone has a problem with you, they say it to your face. If they don't like you they tell you. If they want to know something, they ask- there is no fear of prying! Quite humorous at times. American social etiquette has not taught me to be used to in depth private questioning about my specific choices and how I made them and why.

Past, Present, Prayer

Sometimes I feel like writing...sometimes Ifeel like typing. Right now I feel like typing... or maybe I just don't want to turn the light on in my room (4am)

I think I still have residual effects from my experience at the church in New York City two summers ago...

I am reflecting on it... and for the first time in my life (that I can think of) I was really trying to put myself out there in a ministry setting. I had finally been growing a love for the Church, and I wanted to grow more in that... I enjoyed the church (Grace Community) in Michigan, and I wanted to connect to the church in NYC, and learn how to fellowship, behave as a church family unit, etc...

Expectations were set up that I didn't know how to respond to, because I had never experienced them.

I felt discouraged and overwhelmed. I knew I needed alone time, time to process; when I wasn't allowed, I would get restless and more discouraged. Then as criticism poured in with no mentorship or encouragement... I began to withdraw.

I wanted to be able to serve the church in a way that was natural... that God had gifted me... not because of expectations... or wanting to avoid criticism.

I think that my strongest means of interacting with the church were two main things- ministering to my peers and adults through discussion of the bible, encouragement, teaching, etc

... ministering to the kids through teaching and the bible... and just hanging out with them.

I loved the bible studies. The small church that I attended was actually a church plant of the main church... and they had a bible study every Tuesday. Unfortunately, by the end of things~ I stopped attending that, because I was so discouraged that I no longer even wanted to. But when I did go, it was great food for my soul. I was also becoming more connected with people there, slowly but surely.

The other thing I absolutely loved was teaching the kids on Wed nights. I poured myself into that!! I was a teacher once a week for an hour, and I had so much fun developing ways to teach them, and presenting the gospel and Christ as a great treasure... I loved it. It 's really what jump-started my realization of wanting to move more in the "teaching" direction than the "counseling" direction.

I also enjoyed being with the youth... those kids were fun.

But the expectations in different areas were so strong, that I not only didn't have the chance to serve in the ways I would have hoped... but I also was scolded for focusing on ways I was drawn to serve, rather than the ways I "ought to have" served.

I was scolded at a bridal shower because I was interacting with the other interns (we had just gotten there and didn't even know each other, and we tried to chat with one another). We were told that it was expected that we would try to get to know other people at the church.

So next time we attended a bridal shower, I hung out with some of the kids, and kept them entertained. That was very natural for me, and I enjoyed it- but I felt on edge for much of the time, wondering if I would get scolded later because I was hanging w/ them instead of "getting to know" the Bride-to-be. Later I was actually told that they were pleased because I was doing what they desired. I really didn't feel encouraged though, because I wasn't doing it to please them- I was doing it because I enjoyed it and wanted to.

I think what made things so much more crazy for me, was my past experiences/thoughts I was already bringing into the situation- which no one really knew about. I think the three biggest mistakes I made that summer were- not fervently demanding a mentor/accountability/prayer partner... and trying to stay beyond my 3 month internship in NYC (fueled mostly by a desire to prove something I think).... and trying to meet everyone's expectations and please everyone, and withdrawing when I realized I couldn't. All of these mistakes took my focus off of Christ and being fully "there"... and led to much discouragement and unneeded heart ache.

I am grateful for the experience though, I did learn much from many godly people in that church, and I learned much about myself. Desires I know I kind of had were cemented and grown...

God has done wonders in me in the last year. I have learned so much, and grown a lot. I don't believe I'm upset or bitter toward the church anymore, but I do think I still have some more healing to do...

The first time I set my foot in a church, a few months after all of this happened (so later in the fall 2009) I became physically sick. And it was the church that I was connecting to before I left for NYC (buthe situation in NYC had emotionally torn me apart so severely, most certainly revealing spiritual issues- that I was physicaly sick.

God continued to heal me, and I began to get myself into church communities again, I didn't continue attending Grace Community, but I did go into churches. For the most part I tried to stay in the background, avoided getting really involved.

Coming to Korea was a huge step of faith for me. Getting back into ministry... teaching English at a Christian English School. Being willing to venture here was huge for me...after what happened in NYC. I wondered- would I be able to handle it? What if I wasn't super good at it, would I be discouraged (like I was in NY?) ... I prayed and prayed and accepted the job... and God has been so faithful :) I have done well teaching, and I truly enjoy it. And I know it's not something I could do at ALL apart from the strength God supplies.

It has given me encouragement, that God can and will use me for his kingdom... and that I don't have to let the fear of man (wanting to people please) tie me down from serving. It is clear to me that this fear was the main issue I struggled with in NYC. And it's not completely gone- I still have issues with people-pleasing, but I am learning, God is the greatest teacher.

I could use prayer though about getting involved in church ministry again... while I am involved in ministry by serving at the school, getting involved in a church body is so important as well.

I find that I still wrestle with involvement though- especially since the churches here are small, and I can't just blend in- I'd HAVE to be involved. And I believe that's actually a good thing- I need to be pushed and I need to grow, and I am sure God will use this situation to help me fall more in love with Him and His people.

So current prayer requests:

to Love God more and more and more and more...

to know He is the greatest and only treasure

No matter what happens, He always IS... and I'm his child...so, what more could I ask for?

to have an abundant prayer life... to be restless if I don't spend time with Him....

to Love His people (my brothers and sisters) in such a selfless way, that I desire to be at church and be involved with them... rather than fearing expectations and discouragement.

Thank you :)

What is there?

There is:
Christ.

There is:
God

There is:
Holy Spirit

There is:
Communion with God

He is the Highest Treasure. Him alone. What else?...

There is not:

fulfillment in marriage...

paying off debt

popularity

success

children

intelligence

attractiveness

... and more


There is only God... He is the treasure... the pearl of great price...

All of these things point to Him. (For by Him all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities. All things were created through Him and for Him. Colossians 1:16)

They can be wonderful things... worthwhile things...things we even ought to seek... but at times they will fail us and disatisfy, at times they will please us and succeed- in both situations all we can say is: My hope is in God.

But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7


And since the context was so magnificent :

⁶ Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

⁷ "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

⁸ Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools.

More food for rumination:

Matthew 19:29- And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.

Matthew 10:37- Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s memorize that one :)

Mark 10:25- it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.

Revelation 3:15-17 I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, poor, pitiable, blind, and naked.

Matthew 13:44-45: The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Oh that God would give us this desire... and willingness. Him and only Him...at any cost.

How would our churches look... our lives look... our conversations look... our interactions look...

Psalm 73:25-26

Whom have I in heaven but you, and there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is my strength and my portion forevermore.

Wh

This world ain't my home

God is good.

That's an obvious statement, but I just wanted to lead by re-stating the "always obvious, often forgotten."

I am a foreigner... in a foreign land. And I don't mean that in some quasi-gnostic manner- this Earth ain't my home I'm just a passin' through... haha.
I mean... I am actually a foreigner!!!

It's kind of fun being in the minority. Especially since I'm a pasty white American with golden curly hair and blue eyes. I get a lot of looks and comments in public. Also humorous... when I am out and about I'll get random people noticing me and speaking what random English they know to me for practice. "Hello, nice to meet you" or "How are you" or ... "I have a book!" ... just for practice. It's exciting when you are learning a new language and have the chance to practice it, even if it's just minimal :)

I enjoy South Korea.

Honestly, this is probably the first time (that I can remember) where I have been in a situation where I had the time, money, and resources to devote so much time to "ministry."
I have definitely been involved in ministry in other situations- but since I have always been foremost a student since I was in Kindergarten, I haven't devoted any excessive time to ministry.

Also, even when I was a student- I was often so focused on "what was next" that I hardly concerned myself with getting involved in ministry. After all, I would get involved in ministry after I was finished with school! ...So I thought.

School is not finished for me, however. And that can be stated in two ways: first of all practically, I am pursuing a Master's degree while I am here teaching- and that starts in a couple weeks.
Second of all, "school" is not finished, because God has made us humans "learning creatures" ...by His grace we will always be learning. Those belonging to Christ have the rich inheritance of eternally learning about God...and knowing Him personally.

Anyway, this is the first time in a LONG time where I have devoted so much time and attention to "where I am" vs. "where I will be" (haha...almost made a grammar joke right here)
And God has really been faithful. I am growing...learning not only about Korea and about Him... but experiencing Him and His love as I learn to teach...as I grow to love these kids...and others around me.

There are many needs here. Not surprising. There are many needs all throughout the world...America not discluded by far. When I was in Alaska for two summers, I was overwhelmed by how much need there was for Gospel centered people to minister. Need is everywhere...especially for Christ.

As I am here, I'm learning what specific needs there are in South Korea. First of all, they need English teachers (of course!) Education is SO important to Koreans, both because of the status it associates and due to the homogenous nature of society. Parents need their kids to do well, because it is their kids who will end up taking care of them.

Also, English teachers bring diversity to the classroom...a lot of the kids here haven't experienced much outside of Korean culture. This can be kind of sweet since it breeds some naivete and innocence...but it also leaves them unexposed to the beautiful diversity of God's people. AND... it can leave many unexposed to the Gospel. English Christ-following teachers have the opportunity to bring both.
I work at a Christian academy...but all of the students are most certainly not Christians. So I am finding ways (and pray to find more) to bring the Bible into the classroom... whether it's reading a bible story, or composing a listening activity that includes a bible story. Then for the sake of vocabulary and comprehension I will briefly go over the story (which also gives me a chance to explain some of the story).

It would be different in public schools, but from what I understand they are open to such things being taught and talked about around the "American" holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc).

Also it is to be noted that the teachers are here to primarily teach English- so bible cannot be taught every day all day in the classroom...but there is more than ample opportunity.
Also, the grace God gives His English teachers to love these students will hopefully be a glimmer of Himself to these kids.

There is also a great need here in South Korea for English speaking pastors.
Korea is a fairly young Christian nation as is... so there is great need for ministry to a nation profoundly influence by Buddhism. The English teachers are also ever-increasing, and there aren't many bible-school trained men here to preach the gospel on Sundays! (So that we can eat and grow off the word as well!)

Usually the pastor ends up being a male English teacher who does his teaching during the week, and serves as teaching pastor on Sundays. Some of the men who come here to teach English intentionally leave to get seminary training, and come back to be a Pastor at an English church.

I've been to two churches so far, and I love the fellowship. The Koreans in the churches I went to do everything they can to help the foreigners feel welcome in Korea...although they don't always speak English very well! The English speakers end up naturally bonding in some capacity- because we are all here serving the same purpose!

Well, that's enough for now.
I'm on my 3rd week teaching.

Pray that God continues to give me grace to have patience and love for these kids.
That I would find a church body to be involved in (whether it's one that I've visited, or a different one)
And that I would count all things as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ as my Lord.

The end.

The best teacher is one who can teach as well as he learns

And this is proving to be quite the learning experience so far!

I really do enjoy teaching. I love lesson planning... probably too much.

I can easily spend hours going over lessons, compiling ideas of what might work AND be enjoyable in different class settings.

Already, I have done a lot of experimenting...some things work. Some things don't.
Some lessons I've created have gone really well... and students enjoyed the outcome.
Other lessons were too complicated, and needed to be remodeled structurally to increase understanding.

Consistency is key...so I've been trying to maintain what the other teachers do in the school...as well as keep some of the nuances teachers who taught the classes I'm teaching before me did.

I also put in my own nuances...because it's important that I am teaching MY classes...not someone else's.

Some of the kids warmed up to me right away...they were so excited for a "new" teacher (the curiosity of the unknown) that they sought my attention right away. Other kids are just starting to warm up to me (after over a week and 1/2). That's life :)
I'm learning the importance to spread out my attention both to the kids who easily grab my attention, as well as towards those who hide in the shadows.

One of the most rewarding things is when students really GET something. Seeing them really understand a concept...a new word...an idea...a grammatical structure... it's exciting.
Grading tests also shows this... I am happy when students are showing that they are learning.

Also, grading tests and quizzes helps me as a teacher...I can see where there are patterns- showing what a majority just isn't getting... so I can improve teaching methods and review specific material.

It's interesting finding a balance between student-centered and teacher-led classroom structure. I think I prefer to utilize both camps at times. Students really enjoy being able to have input...so I will ask them whether my explanation is helpful...if something is too difficult to learn... sometimes I'll even ask which activity they'd prefer to do in a lesson.
But...if I allow them to do this too often, they'll walk over me (easily). So I realize it's necessary to be stern and show that I am the authority in the room (even when we have fun!)

With older classes it's not as hard to set that boundary... I can more easily allow leniency and student input without infringing too much on order in the classroom. That probably comes with maturity.

Well, there's some of the technical stuff regarding my teaching experience right now.
If you think to pray for me, here are some requests:

That I would grow in love for the kids every day.
That I would find ways to actively and verbally represent Christ.
That I would have patience to deal with situations which are stressful (they do happen sometimes!!!)
That I would be studious...and learn the material I need to teach (I have NEVER studied grammar as in depth as I am now, since I have to teach it!!)
That I would be articulate...and find creative and sensible ways to communicate new concepts and structures to the students.